Did you know that there’s a science to having healthy relationships?
My work with couples is heavily influenced by The Gottman Method, a goal-oriented and scientifically-based approach built upon over 40 years of research.
The effectiveness of this approach can, in-part, be attributed to the in-depth assessment of the relationship’s strengths and needs before beginning treatment. Therefore, the first three sessions are assessment only.
Research shows that to make a relationship last, couples must become better friends, learn to manage conflict, and create ways to support each other’s hopes for the future.
Drs. John and Julie Gottman, creators of the Gottman Method Couples Therapy, have shown how couples can accomplish this by paying attention to what they call the Sound Relationship House which outlines the nine components of healthy relationships. Secondly, couples can successfully create lasting relationships by avoiding what they call the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.
The Gottman Method for Building Healthy Relationships:
- Build Love Maps: How well do you know your partner’s inner psychological world, his or her history, worries, stresses, joys, and hopes?
- Share Fondness and Admiration: The antidote for contempt, this level focuses on the amount of affection and respect that’s expressed and felt within a relationship.
- Turn Towards: State your needs, be aware of bids for connection and respond to (turn towards) your partner. The small moments of everyday life are actually the building blocks of relationships.
- The Positive Perspective: The presence of a positive approach to problem solving and the success of repair attempts.
- Manage Conflict: We use the term “manage” conflict rather than “resolve” conflict, because relationship conflict is natural and has functional, positive aspects. There is a critical difference in handling perpetual problems and solvable problems.
- Make Life Dreams Come True: Create an atmosphere that encourages each person to talk honestly about his or her hopes, values, convictions and aspirations.
- Create Shared Meaning: Understand important visions, narratives, myths, and metaphors about your relationship.
- Trust: This is the state that occurs when a person knows that his or her partner acts and thinks to protect their best interests. In other words, this means, “my partner has my back and is there for me.”
- Commitment: This means believing (and acting on the belief) that your relationship with this person is completely your lifelong journey, for better or for worse. So even when it gets worse, you both seek and work to improve it.